Background
John Kottor in “What Leaders Really Do,” argued that leadership requires motivating and inspiring – appealing to basic but often untapped human needs, values, and emotions.
My old boss had a way of identifying people for promotions. It was a unique, logical, and numbers-based system. I found that it was not easy to account for the nontangible traits, like leadership. However, I was fortunate enough that we worked as a team, and he did not make decisions solely based on his opinion or one person’s opinion.
Just a little back story and I promise it comes into play in the end. I had been divorced for over 18 years at this point in my career. My son was 20 or 21 at the time. As a single mother, I worked hours without complaining to make it to the top. Looking back, I probably would not receive the mother of the year award, but I was good at my job and leading.
The Decision
On this particular day, we all made a consensus. Jack Stewart (not his real name) would be offered the promotion. Excited and enthusiastic, my boss picked up the phone and made the phone call. He congratulated Jack and went about his business. He loved to deliver “good news.”
Within about an hour, I received a very different phone call. According to Jack Stewart’s supervisor, Jack was not willing to make the move to take over the offered promotion. Needless to say, I was a little surprised.
The Discussion
I brought Jack into my office to discuss his concerns. I discovered that his concerns about his family and not his ability or inability. He was enthusiastic about the promotion but worried about the impact on his wife. He explained that he had previously sacrificed, resulting in divorce, and was unwilling to lose his current wife. He then asked me what I thought.
If there is one thing I know about leadership, every incident or issue, there is something more to the story. Also, as a leader, I don’t know everything. As with this case, I couldn’t begin to advise him. I wasn’t married, and it never occurred to me that a spouse could be a concern. With just a child, they did what you said.
The Results
I was honest with him and told him I didn’t know the first thing about keeping a marriage successful, but we did begin to spitball different ideas to help his wife feel more comfortable with the move. Some of it required a sacrifice on his part. He needed to participate more in some of the things she was doing. Together, Jack, Mrs. Stewart, and I arrived at multiple decision points that allowed them to take control of their situation and become more comfortable with the promotion.
Crisis averted.
The point is, even when you think you are making the best decision for someone who works for you, sometimes there are circumstances that you don’t know about. Sitting down and identifying their challenges, concerns, and maybe even weaknesses will help them grow. That is part of leadership. You must find a way to understand your people.
It would have been easy to say fine, and chose someone else. However, knowing he was a good fit for the promotion and knowing that most people would not pass on the opportunity, there was something more there. Sitting down and working through his concerns helped him, the organization, and his family get to where we all wanted them to be.
