What’s Wrong? What Happened?

We briefly mentioned the idea that our people experience stress that we should and could control as leaders. However, like many of you, there are times when I failed or misread what was happening. Sometimes it was because, heck, I did the same job under the same circumstances. Other times it was because it was just never mentioned or addressed. What I realized as a young leader was I needed to do more check-ins with my people especially when I realized that everyone’s emotions appeared to be all over the spectrum.

One definition of emotional intelligence is the capacity to be aware, control, and express one’s emotions and handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and with empathy. I want us to focus on our people here. Yes, we must know how to control our emotions and reactions (which we will discuss later). However, we need to focus on those we lead in this particular case.

First, let me say this. I believe that through our example, we can demonstrate to our people how to have emotional intelligence. This requires us to know ourselves. To be honest with ourselves and know how to direct our emotions in a positive direction. We can assume (at least you should if you don’t) that emotional intelligence can be taught and learned.

A key construct to enable others to learn is the leader taking on a position where they listen. We must be willing and able to sit down and listen to our people. Hear what they have to say. Assist them in productively directing their emotions. Daniel Goleman, Richard Boyatzis, and Annie McKee stated that great leadership works through emotions. The implication is that we are aware enough to see when someone needs a moment. Or that we can identify when someone needs to sit down and address something. Prentice, W.C.H. stated that leadership requires more subtlety and perceptiveness than is implied.

Emotional intelligence requires individuals to admit when their emotions affect their job performance. As Daniel Goleman mentioned, this is not a case of coming to the altar to confess. It is a case for self-reflection and honesty without the danger of exposing one’s self to too much authenticity (which we discussed previously). This requires a leader to sit down, listen with a purpose, and recognize (maybe relate) what their people are experiencing.

The two components of emotional intelligence that directly relate to interacting and supporting our people are empathy and social skills. Under these umbrellas is the process of coaching and mentoring. Here is the opportunity to help our people direct their emotions productively. However, as we mentioned, you must be willing to understand them and view their perspective, even if you disagree.

The reality is perception is 9/10ths of the law. Joel Brockner pointed out that each employee decides for him or herself whether a decision has been made fairly. This alone tells leaders that while you may believe all is good, your people may not. Take the time to mentor them. Take the time to understand them individually and as a team. You may be surprised by what you discover.